 A/PGF
member Neil Kaminsky will be reading from his new book
Man Talk: the Gay Couple's Communication Guide at
the A/PGF Social/Potluck on Sunday October 7th at
Plummer Park in West Hollywood.
RL: What is your
background?
NK: I'm a licensed clinical
social worker in California and also have a social work
license from New York. I previously had a practice,
primarily with gay men, in New York and San Francisco
and am planning to go into private practice again.
I also run an ongoing workshop "Is LA the Wrong Town to
Find Mr. Right?" at the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian
Center. Currently I work in a hospital setting and I've
also worked with hospice patients, in inpatient
psychiatric facilities and with children in foster care,
schools and residential treatment.
Do you get feedback from men who have
taken your workshop?
I am happy to say I have received
positive feedback. The workshop is in two parts: one
night I give the workshop and then on a weekend the men
go on a swift dating event.
What were the factors that decided you
to go into your field?
I'm an analytical person and am
fascinated by the mind and emotions and what makes
people "tick". I enjoy being able to help alleviate
people's emotional pain and to help them grow. It's very
satisfying.
Tell us about your book and any other
publications.
My current book is titled Man
Talk: the Gay Couple's Communication Guide. My previous
books were Affirmative Gay Relationships: Key Steps In
Finding a Life Partner and When It's Time To Leave Your
Lover: A Guide For Gay Men. I've also written many
articles on gay male issues for the New York Native
Newspaper. My writing provides a forum for me to express
the things I feel passionate about.
In general, what is the theme of the
book from which you'll be reading?
The basic point of the book is
that communicating with one another is vital for a
relationship to work.
There are many ways to derail
communication, among them when winning rather than
problem solving becomes important. Other topics are
intercultural communication, avoidance of important
issues and the ability to listen rather than preach.
With all that knowledge about gay
relationships, what about your own relationship?
I am very lucky!
Do you deal with issues of coming out?
What was your coming out process like?
I do deal with issues of coming
out in the context of relationships. Two people may be
in different stages of the process and they need to
communicate about it. It's not an issue of "bad" or
"good" if they are at different levels. It's a
developmental process, not a moral issue.
I came out when I was about
twenty and it was a scary process. Although I consider
myself very out now, I can understand if some people
find it very difficult and feel they need to do do it at
their own pace.
What is the most important advice you
can give to gay men about establishing or strengthening
relationships?
I have a lot of things to say.
That would be a great question at my reading!
What are your future ambitions?
I plan to continue writing both
fiction and non-fiction. Right now I'm working on a
novel.
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Of course we didn't have to make all our own fun. The
anticipated big event at the pool party is always the "exotic
dancers"---male strippers to you---and this year's duo,
Brandon and Carlos, didn't disappoint and our little Vietnamese dancer
displayed his charms for quite a while. They were both very
cute and in top physical shape as evidenced by the money that
was thrust into their delightfully skimpy thongs. One
enthusiastic member was seen to thrust a $20 bill into that
part of the anatomy where "the sun don't shine". (That was one
lucky $20!)
At the opening of Singapore’s gay pride festival “IndigNation,” the censors
have banned the photo exhibition of gays kissing. The display is a
selection of 80 posed shots of same-sex kissing between fully clothed
models, said photographer Alex Au. 
“It’s absurd to think that gay people do not also kiss, and that
representation of such a reality would be subversive,” Au said. “There is a
very stereotypical representation of gays and lesbians as deviants and I
think it is important to correct the stereotype.” Au added that in place of
the canceled exhibition, there will be a talk accompanied by a slideshow of
the photographs. Indoor gatherings do not require police permits. 
